Merry Christmas?

Have you ever had a time where something tragic happened, and it shocks you so much that you are sort of... numb to the world? Something that would normally seem like a huge event or occasion that you should be so excited about seems like a minor ordeal that you barely even take notice of? It's a weird feeling isn't it? Exactly 5 months ago December 8th , my grandpa passed away. Now, unless it's you that is being affected, or if you're one of those people that couldn't care less about your grandparents and they live a bazillion miles away, the death of your grandfather would phase you for a few weeks, but then most would view it as such a small change, you could go back to life as usual and consider it something you just have to "get used to"... like rearranging your room. But I was in a situation that some, but not most can relate to. My grandfather has been more like an actual father to me since I can remember. I didn't like staying at home, so I spent most of my time being his shadow. Needless to say I grew up a little country girl. Boots 'n britches, grease on one knee, dirt on the other. He taught me everything I had the patience to learn and in return, I continued to stand beside him, guessing that I was handing him the right thing when he asked for a Monkey Wrench or a set of Hose Cutters. And topped the day off with a kiss on his forehead and a big hug around his neck (which more often than not had to be accomplished by standing on one of the kitchen chairs).

He was one of those kind of people that had the answer to almost every question... and if he didn't have the answer, he would think about it until he found one that seemed logical enough to sound like he knew what he was talking about (: On many occasions I remember spouting out math problems from my "homework spot" at the kitchen table while he calculated the answer in his head. And he never ceased to finish it off with some shpeal about how math these days is so complicated compared to the math he did when "he was a boy". I can't lie to you... I could be a pain in the butt sometimes, but somehow, I found it comforting that even in my "typical teenager" moments, he loved me and was patient with me, right along with my nanny.

With Christmas quickly approaching, I can't help but think that I would give everything I have just to walk through the door and see him in his chair that has been empty for the past 5 months, tapping his foot to his favorite gospel music. To lean over and give him a kiss, and smell the smell of a hardworking, loving, grandpa that has signaturized him for so many years. To hug his neck, and hear him call me his baby doll. And to look into his eyes and see that man that has put us all far above himself in every situation, and has been to me, personally a hero.

But I know that this year, he has the greatest Christmas present of all. And I think I speak for my whole family when I say that this Christmas it'll be a lot easier to clear our minds from all the busyness of the holiday and thank God for what we have. Because you never REALLY know what you've got until it's gone.

Merry Christmas Grandpa.