All my life, it seems like I have been searching for something that I just can't quite put my finger on. Yeah, I have always believed in God... sending his son die for my sins, to be resurrected in 3 days and back into heaven until the rapture, when he comes back and takes us all to Heaven with him. But I have always had my doubts. When I was younger, I blamed God for giving me an abusive mother and putting me into a family with someone who would molest me. I thought if he let it happen then he couldn't be the "loving" God everyone said he was. Time went on and of course I learned otherwise. That God never puts us in a situation that we can't handle. And no problem is to big for God to fix. You know, Sunday school stuff.
But it seemed like, when it came to God "loving me"... I couldn't make myself believe it. My thoughts always went back to my mom coming at me with anger in her eyes, ready to strike, and I just couldn't imagine him loving me after I had been so bad as to deserve the punishment I received.
I don't know... I still haven't figured it out. Maybe in time...
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