So... if I had to use one word to describe me... MUSIC. Music, music, music. It's my life. I sing it, I write it, I perform it. It makes me happy (: I'm also a theatre kid. Pretty much, I live in the fine arts department of my school (:
"Music Speaks What Cannot Be Expressed, Soothes the Mind and Gives It Rest, Heals the Heart and Makes It Whole, Flows from Heaven to the Soul."
So, to be completely honest, life has been extremely rough these last few months. I mean, there are the inevitable things that come along with grieving since my grandpa died. But, I have noticed several (seemingly inevitable) changes. It seems like the things that I want the most, are the things that I can't have.No, I'm not talking about material things. I break myself down thinking about my family What could have been. I scare myself... Being easily reminded of my childhood by the smallest things. I stress myself out worrying about things that I know I should not worry about at my age. I can't seem to enjoy being a teenager. I go out with friends, but I'm easily distracted and taken back to my state of stress, confusion, and frustration. It really is embarrassing to just start crying in front of my friends, for no apparent reason. And it's so hard to find someone to talk to. Someone that's not to involved in my life, but someone I can trust. It's very complicated, and I'm just holding onto God for all the answers. And hoping that they come soon... -Karleigh
So, I havent written a note OR Blogpost in a while.
Today, schools across the country gathered around their school flag pole for a time of worship, together as a student body. An event well known as "See You At The Pole". Personally, I have been attending See You At The Pole since about 2nd grade. This year, God did something more, something greater than I have experienced in a school setting in a long time. While the humbling hearts and falling pride was well overdue, in a lot of ways, and for a lot of people it came at just the right time.
If you know me well enough you have most likely heard me tell this story, but this time it doesn't stop after camp.
This summer at youth camp, God called me into the ministry. More specifically, to be a worship leader. Now don't get me wrong, I love to sing and music is practically my life. But my confidence on stage is at a very low level. So it came as a surprise to me. After camp God really started working on my heart. From the more difficult things like changing the language I use, and how I communicate with others, to the simple things like following the "Golden Rule". It has been a constant struggle to stay above the stereotypes and critisizm, but I'm slowly but surely succeeding.
If you have a good relationship with God, you know that if he speaks something into your life or calls you to do something, conformation is in order. For me, it happened today... at the pole. The event was mostly over and Most kids had gone back to their little groups to talk. I on the other hand was so overwhelmed by God and his mercy that I couldn't do anything but sit, cry and pray. After a few minutes of just me and God, I felt hands on my shoulders and turned to find another student. Her name was Emily. She is in one of my classes but we are more just aquantences than anything. She gave me a hug and nelt down beside me. The things she began to say were too God-sent to comprehend at the moment. I'm paraphrasing when I say this but it went something like "Karleigh, God has really laid some things on my heart to tell you. First of all, your beautiful. No matter what anyone says, Youre beatiful and you don't have to prove yourself to people anymore. You have such a great spirit about you. I can see God through you inside and out. It relflects off of everything you do. (best part) You are going to be a leader. God has given you talents and you are going to use those for him."
I really do love when God encourages me. :) Like I say all the time. I am in awe of God's grace, Mercy, Forgiveness, and love. Today, on the bus ride home, I had my iPod on shuffle and came across this song. To you it might seem cliche, but for me, it is just an example of my heart's cry and my humble prayer.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just existing I'm not really living I'm only watching the time slip away I've forgotten who I am in you I'm not who I'm meant to be I'm drifting farther away from my destiny [Chorus:] Awaken my heart, awaken my soul Awaken your power and take control Awaken the passion to live for you, lord Awaken me My soul is longing, my heart is searching I'm desperate for you to move Give me a hunger, pull me closer I'm crying out to you Awaken my heart, awaken my soul Awaken your power and take control Awaken the passion to live for you, lord Open my eyes so I can see your presence Dwelling inside Wake me up, cause I can't live another minute if I'm not shining your light Awaken my heart, awaken my soul Awaken the passion in me Lord, awaken me to live my destiny Lord, awaken me and shine your light through me Lord, awaken me to live my destiny Lord, awaken me and shine your light through me [Chorus] Yeah,Yeah,Yeah
